Positives of single parenting

24 th

Edition

There is a trend going round that is worrying for me. you see it on the news; even on international channels. When something bad happens, and this could be anythingfrom a petty crime on the streets ofDouala to a school shooting in the usA for instance, the authorities are quick to jump on the fact that the culprit was brought up by a single parent. it is as ifto say single parents are the cause ofall the ills in our modern society. so much good has been done by single parents yet single parenting gets a bad rap. Are there no positives about single parenting at all? teley, please tell us.

–Annoyed-in-Douala

Dear Annoyed,
Thank you for bringing this all-important question to light. Your observation is dead on; the media likes to emphasize the negative effects of single parenting on kids. Anything from economic hardships and the crimes they may lead to, through
totrust issues and poor relationships in adulthoodare all blamed on single parenting. Single parenting has become a waste basket into which all the ills of modern society (to borrow your words) get thrown into. But what about the positive effects
of being raised by a single parent? So to all the single parents out there: You might not think of your situation as a bonus, but there are some overwhelmingly positive effects ofsingle parenting that deserve mention. Kids raised by single parents tend to more responsible and realistic in their approach to life.They are typically mature and responsible. The good news is that a child from a single-parent home who is loved and supported has no more problems than a child from a two-parent home.

Single-parent families typically have only one source of income. So with the right training and attitude towards”needs” and “wants” children from such backgrounds learn to differentiate between their own needs and wants. They learn how to express their needs while considering others, and learn they might even have to wait to get some of their needs met. ese are such invaluable life skills that will serve them well in adulthood.Children who are raised in successful single-parent
families know that they are the main priority in their parents’ lives, yet they are not treated as though they are the centre of everyone’s universe. This healthy approach helps to prepare kids for the “real world”.  As there is genuine need for their assistance, it’s all hands on deck, when it comes to single-parent families. Even little 3-year-old hands can help put their shoes in their proper place. This helps the kids to recognize the value of their contribution and take pride in their own work.They get to see their parents working hard to put food on the table and put them through school whiles dealing with their difficult life circumstances. In addition, the kids themselves are forced to deal with their own disappointments early in life. You can’t always prevent your children from feeling sad or disappointed, but you can help them to express and cope with their emotions in a healthy way. Though it is tough on any parent to watch their children wrestle with life’s issues at an early age, these experiences ultimately build character and offer valuable growth opportunities, helping them become sensitive, empathetic, caring adults.

A few tips to make your parenting more positive:
Inasmuch as you want your children to know the state of affairs in the home, it is not wise to flod them with the grim details of all your burdens. Find an adult to share these with. Surround your children with good adult role models from both sexes. Choose a role model or mentor who can and is willing to spend time with them every now and them, providing them with guidance and a fun trip to the bakery for some pastries and ice cream. This is especially useful for teenagers.

You may quickly become overwhelmed by the demands and responsibilities of single parenting. You may also suffer the pain of death, divorce or abandonment of your spouse. Despite all these, you have to stay positive as your kids may easily
get affected by your moods. You may share some of the grievances with them, but also let them understand they are not the cause of your problems.
Spend time together having fun. A single parent’s life shouldn’t be all work and no play. Make time for yourself and for the kids. Get to know what is going on in their world and what their interests are. Share in their highs and lows. Books are a
good way to boost already-existing interests and to pique new ones. Instil a love of learning in them. Let them know how proud you are of their achievements at school, in church and at home. Acknowledge both the effort they put in and the
achieved results.
You are doing a great job. Never diminish the importance ofyour role as a single
parent no matter what the media says about single parenting.

— Have a great week.
Teley.

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